How to get over your Insecurities and Jealousy in a Relationship
Feelings of women are overwhelming when she is stuck in this genuine and controlling jealous emotion. How to stop being so jealous in a relationship?
It has been proven that many women are not even able to identify this confusion of thoughts that they are suffering from. A huge part of healing and winning these battles of jealousy is in determining your enemy. In this situation, the enemy is the jealous emotion that results from a much deeper issue that may or may not be evident to its victim. You will learn more about that in a bit.
One of the leading causes for this negative emotion, “jealousy” stems from a time in a person life when an emotional wound is created. Which severely attacks their safe world or in other words their feelings of personal securities. These insecurities will seriously affect a woman’s self-esteem. Ultimately results in feelings of low self-worth, lack of self-respect, and mistrust. These emotional wounds can be caused by several types of abuse or trauma such as physical, psychological or an over-restrictive/dominated childhood.
If a child is sexually abused, then that child’s security is threatened through the fact that she trusted the abuser and almost always grew up feeling that they were at fault for the abuse. This also rings true in adult life, especially if the victim truly trusts and sees her abuser as almost,” God” like. When a child is psychologically abused, they usually live a life of demeaning name calling or belittling. Again this does happen to adults in a trusting relationship. The over-restrictive or dominating upbringing begins at early childhood and then follows through into adulthood. Each one of these abuses that you have just had definite cuts that eventually turn into deep emotional wounds.
Jealousy can’t be ignored
Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy.
The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. These words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality.
Reality is genuinely jealousy’s enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being. A being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back. Lying to you when you ask a direct question. Twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious, and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit, and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty.
Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than an exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here.
The biggest fear in a Relationship
This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, one’s biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a powerful trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what’s yours until that person can no longer be a victim to your resentment. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another’s thoughts and actions.
To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control is to fall victim to an” attachment prison” or an addiction. In this attachment prison, you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, you need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. An excellent example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your thoughts to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat.
Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependent thinker, dependent on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, and your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a real harmful adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find freedom from that attachment prison.
Jealousy could transform you into your own worst enemy!
Jealousy will not rest until through you; it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect, you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now, jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. Only you can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make.
Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of anxious feelings, your insecurities, and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you.
Jealousy is a Slow Poison
Jealousy will rob your sleep, hour after hour, it is a slow poison. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak, and that is precisely what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non-realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this, in reality, is, let’s say; you’re walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the business. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her, as I said no- real negative thoughts = jealousy.
This negative emotion is extremely careful not to allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it’s worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly.
This is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner.
Jealousy could make you an irrational thinker
When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts.
I genuinely believe that being controlled by jealousy is similar to being in captivity. Your mind will get so conformed to that space that you’re allowing, that you will learn to depend on it. You will feel safe only in that space. All of your knowledge of what’s outside of that confined space has been hidden away into a very dark deep place in your mind. It is all you feel that you can control, not even realizing how little control you do have; again equivalent to an addiction.
How to stop being so jealous in a relationship and Overcome it?
If you are in a relationship, in which jealousy is an issue, then you should know that there are effective ways to control it.
Communicate with your Partner
The first step in controlling jealous is by communicating with your partner how you feel. You must make your partner see and understand that there are no reasons to be jealous.
It is essential that your partner not perceive any hidden communication lines. You can show your partner letters from old friends or phone calls you received that day. The key is making your partner realize that you disclose everything. Although it sounds tiring, sooner or later, your partner will feel trusting.
On the other hand, if you are the jealous partner, you should also open communication lines with your partner and discuss why you have been feeling that way. In most cases, your partner does not realize that he is doing something that makes you feel jealous. Again, the key is communication. You should try to talk to your partner how you felt and why you felt it. Admitting jealousy calmly would even be better than denying it but getting worked up over nothing.
Tackle the situation tactfully
In situations where you or your partner feel extremely jealous, it would be best to calm down first before tackling an issue. Sometimes being resentful and angry at the same time make the situation worse. Analyze the situation carefully, keeping in mind your partner’s normal behavior. Jealousy is often triggered by changes in your partner’s attitude and mood, fueled by suspicion. If you try avoiding suspicion and instead focus on facts, you would soon discover other reasons such as work stress, health problems, and others, all not related to you or your relationship.
Handle the jealousy as early as possible in your relationship
If given free rein, jealousy will destroy whatever bond you have with your partner. This is the reason why it is imperative that you and your partner work it out early in the relationship. If ignored, it can cause you more problems and heartaches in the future. You and your partner should act now, or lose each other completely in the process.
Eliminate your insecurities
Throw away all your insecurities. No insecurity can vanish overnight, so you can do this little by little until you become more confident. Think of your strengths rather than the things you are frustrated about.
Be optimistic. Do not let any other person say you don’t deserve anything. Prove them all wrong by being at your best always. Look to the brighter side at all times. Be optimistic!
Your partner is not your belonging. A relationship is a give-and-take situation. Give way and be happy that your partner is sharing opinions and opening up to you. Be generous!
Pinch yourself whenever you think you’re jealous again. There will still be times that you won’t be able to help it. Just be aware whenever it is about to happen, so you can quickly think of a way to overcome it.
Trust your partner
A relationship without trust will never be listed in the survivor’s list. So always trust your partner.
Talk to your partner
If he or she sometimes is unconscious of your feelings, let your sentiments be known. Hidden grudges are not healthy in a relationship.
Learn the art of appreciating others
Learn how to appreciate others too. It is not always about you. Consider what other people can do, and don’t just think of your traits too much. You don’t want to end up being narcissistic.
With all these ways, you and your partner can build a stronger and healthier relationship. Together, you can overcome any trials that will come your way. Resolve the mysteries of the past, discuss your feelings in the present and plan the future by communication and your relationship will be a big success.
I love you guys! Stay on the good path!