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 Confidence & how to boost it

Lack of confidence is usually deeply rooted; its origins can always be traced back to a traumatic childhood experience. These experiences can range from neglect, prolonged separation from parents, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse.  During adult life, your self–esteem may be diminished by a number of things. These things include but are not limited to:

  • Being in a poor state of health
  • Lack of financial success
  • Not being able to be in a stable relationship
  • Being in an abusive relationship
  • Divorce
  • Not being able to secure employment
  • Business failure; and
  • Having a general lack of self-control or
  • Self-Esteem

A general lack of self-control is mostly experienced by people with trauma. This makes them feel like they are victims of circumstances; and as a result, they are unable to assert and express themselves fully.  It causes the sufferer to miss out on opportunities and experiences, and it makes them feel powerless when they try to change their circumstances.

The good news is that a healthy sense of self can be recovered. The process of boosting your self-confidence can be aided, by you following the suggestions contained herein. Like all other life-changing activities, this must come deep down from your heart in order for it to work.

How to regain your sense of self?

Below are a number of things you can start doing  in order to regain your low sense of self:

  1. Take care of yourself & your appearance properly

When you are wallowing in a state of low self-esteem, it may be possible for you to neglect yourself. You will be surprised how much difference wearing clean clothes, showering, and shaving regularly can do to your esteem. The principle here is simple; if you look good, you feel good about yourself.  By dressing nicely, you feel confident and successful. Being presentable gives the illusion that you are ready to tackle the world. The English describe this as taking the bull by its horns.  Dressing nicely does not necessarily mean that you wear an expensive suit or dress; it could also mean wearing clean and nice-looking casual attire.

  1. Think positively

As a man/woman thinketh in his/her heart so is he/she. Most of us undermine the power of thought tremendously.  When you change your thoughts from negative to positive you will begin to notice that good things begin to happen in your life. If you have been invalidating yourself for a long time;  and it has only brought you pain and frustration, it is time that you begin to validate yourself.  When we have a low sense of self, we often think and say the harshest things about ourselves.  This is mainly because our inner critics have become inaccurate and over-reactive.

For example, if you think you are a loser, you must always ask yourself: “Is that true” or “according to whom”. In most cases, you will find little or no evidence of that effect. Additionally, you must learn to celebrate your successes no matter how small they are because, at the end of the day, you cannot be comfortable without your own approval.

  1. Desensitize yourself from rejection

I must admit this is a task we all have to undertake during our lives. According to Eleanor Roosevelt, you cannot be made to feel inferior without you consenting to it. These powerful words from the former first lady are, to me, immortal.  The truth of the matter is that rejection hurts each one of us. No one is above the pain of rejection. Be that as it may, it should not hold you back from living to your highest celebration.  You must find a way to use the pain of rejection to grow stronger and more resilient in your quest for your desires; as the English say, faint heart never won the fair lady.

It is important to remember that nothing is personal even though it seems like it. There I a deeper meaning on that matter and I will write about it on another blog.

Desensitizing yourself from rejection does not mean that you ignore, deny or suppress the pain; it requires you to acknowledge the emotions; and consequently, come up with a way to overcome the negativity. This requires a lot of courage and determination.


  1. Set yourself up for a win

 In order to boost our self-confidence, it is important that we focus on successes and forget about our negatives and failures in life. Often, we are discouraged because we set unrealistic goals for ourselves. If you want to boost your confidence, it is advisable that you set realistic goals for yourself. That way, you will be able to achieve them easily; and in turn, boost your sense of self.  Once you have established a winning streak, you can set higher goals. Be sure to keep a list of your successes and failures; this will remind you of the times you have succeeded and the times you have failed. Your failures should be used as learning experiences at all times.

  1. Be yourself at all times without fail

Marilyn Monroe, once stated that wanting to be another person is a waste of who you are. Wanting to be another person will bring nothing but frustration in your life. There can only be one Justin Bieber, Denzel Washington, and Obama. Wanting to be them will only live you bitter and frustrated about yourself. However, you can try emulating the steps they took in order to achieve their success.

People who have a low sense of self consider others to be more deserving than them.  This is a highly misguided perception. No one is more deserving or better than you. We are all blessed with different capabilities. You are unique & unreplaceable.


The truth of the matter is that all of us are born with a limitless sense of self-confidence. Somehow we lost it on the way. Those of us who appear to be confident have taken the time to work on it and challenge our thoughts instead of accepting whatever our minds and society serve them. You are capable of reviving your lost sense of self by adhering to the things mentioned above. The above list is by no means exhaustive, but it gives sufficient insight on how to start the process of gaining back your self-confidence. Remember! These things require courage.  Courage is not the absence of fear but rather moving forward despite the fear.

If you want to win the game of life, you can have with me a free call


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